It's been so long since I've last dedicated a post to Jaejin, or Ftisland as a whole. I used to do it a lot, but as time past by, I start to realize that the truest feelings in the world aren't really expressed by words. It's like you feel so much, that there are just no words that can hold enough meaning.
"Loving a band with all your heart is something you only understand when it happens to you. On the surface, others can see it as a petty obsession, but they'll just never know the feeling of putting so much faith into a few people on the other side of the world. It's hard to explain it to them, the listening to song after song on repeat, the waits for new albums, the excitement and surreal sensation when you finally see them live. They don't seem to understand why the lyrics booklets give you a sense of comfort, or why you paste photos of them all over your bedroom walls. And they can't understand why one band could matter to you so much. And you think to yourself, 'because they saved my life.' But you say nothing, they wouldn't understand."
-Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low-
I've been a fan for almost 4 years. I've lost count of the number of times I've turned to them to gain strength to move on with life. I've lost count of the number of times they put a smile on my face whenever I'm down. But that's not as important as building this faith I have in me right now, the faith that everything will be good.
I used to think that telling everyone that I love Ftisland is showing my love, I used to think that purchasing many many albums/merchandise shows that I love them, I used to think that it is so damn important to be a hardcore fan whose sole purpose in life is to fangirl, I used to think that the more posters I paste on the walls and cupboards in my room, the more I love them. But I was wrong. Behind all the tears and sweat, it's the perseverance that matters. It doesn't matter how many albums I bought, how much I sacrificed for them, how much time I spend fangirling per day; if I leave them at the end of the day, all the things mentioned above are insignificant. I may disagree with myself in the future when I read this post again, but being a fan for me now is to stay silently by their side and finish the journey with them, even if the whole world leaves.
Lee Jae Jin. The day I realized this boy's existence, my life changed. Not abruptly, but in a gradual process. He wasn't as important to me when I first liked him compared to now, I admit. I may talk about him a lot more in the past, but he didn't affect me as much as he does now. As time past by, he became a part of my life that I can never erase, and a person I started to rely on. He don't sing in many songs, but whenever he does, his voice sets my mind at ease. It feels like I'm covered with a layer of warmth, and it feels really, really, comforting. It may be simple, but nothing heals me better than he can.
I know everyone changes as they grow, maybe you've changed too. It's just that I don't know. Afterall I get so little information about you every day. But that's enough, because just knowing that you're doing well is sufficient. Maybe you've grown a little taller, a little more mature, a little more muscular, but you will always be that monkey who plays around at backstage, that playful one who likes to disturb others, that kind one who always forgive others... and that special little boy to me. I can never thank you enough for all the joy, comfort, assurance, motivation and confidence you brought into my life.
I love you. And this is an understatement.