It's been a while since I've turned to blogging to pen down my thoughts, but something has been bugging me for a pretty long time now and I hope that I'll finally come to a conclusion by writing about it.
It's January 2021. My scholarship bond is ending in 6 months and I am planning to leave my job once I have finished serving my bond. I have been wanting to leave ever since last year but I managed to scrape through with the thought that I'd stay until my bond ends.
The thing is... I'm going to be leaving a job where I've grown very comfortable in. Decent salary. Great colleagues. Stable working hours. Work-life balance. Acceptable workload.
And I'm going to be leaving in a middle of a pandemic. Am I taking too big of a leap in faith? Am I being too positive? All I know is I am incredibly comfortable (most of the time) in this workplace but this comfort is scaring me. I'm stagnant. Or even falling backwards. I grew nonchalant. I stopped having expectations for myself. I start to do things just to get by.
I have big dreams for this industry, and even if those dreams don't get fulfilled this lifetime, I want to do something purposeful. Something that makes me feel full. Feel capable. Feel that it's worth it.
Based on my timeline, I am going to be settling down in just a few years' time. With more commitments coming, I won't be able to be this reckless anymore. I may not have the capacity to choose purpose over money; choose challenge over stability; choose resigning over tolerating.
I'm going to miss being a teacher. The conversations, the lesson preparation, the conversations, the bond with the children and their parents. But I won't miss having to work under inefficient management and lack of training. I'm going to miss this "easy" life, of having prep time, of meeting low expectations, of doing the bare minimum, while sharing a close bond with my colleagues.
It's going to be incredibly challenging, Qidi, I know, maybe one day you'll look back and think "Why did I give up on such an easy job?"
Ask yourself, "Was it that easy afterall? Were you free from troubles? What were your limitations? How did you express your frustrations?" It's more challenging now simply because you're pushing yourself, to do better, to be better, for the sake of yourself and the other people who are worth the inspiration. You don't have to make it big, just make it fulfilling. And most importantly, make it happy.
I graduated thinking and knowing that I have big things to do for this world, even if it only impacts a small group of people. But now I don't have a niche at all. I feel so incompetent and helpless sometimes. I love learning, why should I be stuck in a place with minimal opportunities for me to learn how to become a better person/professional?
So I am going to take a leap of faith. To give it a try. If all else fails, at least I have gained experience and learnt lessons. No one is going to grow from a comfortable place. A place is comfortable only because it's stagnant. I am not going to be status quo. Change is the only constant and my future is in my own hands.
It may be nerve-wrecking and challenging, but it's going to be worth it.