29 October.
Am not really in a good mood today, I'm not hyper. I don't like rotting at home and feeling lazy. I'm going to tuition tmrw, Most probably starting to touch on Secondary3 Maths soon. And which means I'll go back to my 2-sub tuition routine and reach home at 4.30pm every Saturday, :(. But fortunately it'll soon change to morning timeslot. Speaking of this, I miss my Boyfie so much. I wonder when can we ever meet! Singapore is small but big in some way. How I hope someday I'll meet my Boyfie on streets and give her a big hug. I miss Crazycupcakes too, But I'm already meeting them up next week, :>. Gonna trim my fringe soon, I don't know how long would I take to drag my lazy body to a salon. Or should I wait for my trip to Indonesia for treatment and also trim it at one go ? It'll take around 1 more month, And by then my shortest fringe would've already reached my chin. Urgh.
I hadn't felt so emotional for months already. Y'know, It's just exactly like I've lost an important thing in my life. Lost the reason I live for. Without you my life is like a journey without destination, I lost track of everything. Few months ago, I made the decision to put you and everything apart to concentrate for EOY. At the starting everything felt so numb, Like I'd been keeping a promise to myself but it's all a lie. But soon after, Stress engulfed me and I started focusing on my work, Forgetting everything. I guess that period of time is just like a short break from hell. But after that short break, Now everything's back. It'd been months, Many many days had already passed. Everytime I typed a message, Trying to connect to you back as a friend, I realised none were sent out. I realised I couldn't face everything, As a friend. I talk to everyone about you like nothing's so fucking big deal. But down in my heart, Every single time I hear your name my heart still ache. Even if it's just for a second, Short, But violent. Tears no longer drop for you, I wonder if it is because they knew I don't even have the rights to shed them for you. I'd kept this lie with me for so long, So long.. Now that I'd learnt to face the reality, Boy, I regret. I regret making that choice. I know time wouldn't rewind just because I wanted it to. I know nothing can ever allow me to make up to you. I know I'm not even fit to say I love you. Right now I don't even know why on earth am I typing and posting all these. But I really do miss you, Do you know..
